saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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