I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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