I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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