he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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