so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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