I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
