so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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