First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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