is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
