I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
