I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize