Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
