the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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