the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
