he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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