If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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