meet me or not, i'm out of control
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
