I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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