after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
