Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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