1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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