She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
