Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
