I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
