I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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