I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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