It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Come see our sink grown plant.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Are we still banned from the library?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
