I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
