Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
