i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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