The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
