walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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