i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
