I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
