Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
