Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
