U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
