Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
