I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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