I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
