I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
