We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
