I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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