I hate your face
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
