Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
