my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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