saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you would pick up someone in the library
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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