I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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