Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
