She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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