I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
