your thong is hanging out like whoa
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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