Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
