He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
