I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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