"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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