Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
