I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
