I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
