Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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