Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm too high and old for this...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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