Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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