she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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