Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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