i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
