Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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