capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
