How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
