I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just want nice things and good sex
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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