she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
