I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
