Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
