Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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