..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize