i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
