smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
