Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
