I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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