cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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