You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Still dying that you shit outside
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
