He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
