Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
