He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I queefed so loud it echoed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
