I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
birth control should be required to get into college
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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