pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
