what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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