This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
