just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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