I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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