they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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