Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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