maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
