Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
