Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
