my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Found the puke drawer
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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