I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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