I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
