I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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