you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize