It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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