What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
